Xander waved Willie over and made a vague drunken gesture for him to pour two more shots of whiskey followed by two more beers. Then, swaying only slightly, in his opinion at least, Xander turned back to Spike. Immediately, the first finger on his right hand thrust back up into the air and he continued with his diatribe.
"An' then che shayz tha' che had ciber... sobber... cigar... no no, uh... cyber.. yeah tha's it. Cyber sex wi' thiz guy... Inni' tha' th' moz f'ked up thin' ya ev'r heard? D'bitch admi'ed it!"
Xander lowered his pointed finger from the air only to grab hold of his refilled shot glass. He threw back the fiery liquid in one quick gulp. It didn't even phase him.
"An' I don' ev'n know wha' th' hell tha' shiiit iz. Che ev'n twy ta tell me 'bout it too. Can ya b'lieve tha'? D'bitch! Li' I wanna know th' schticky detailz? Fuck tha'!"
Spike slammed back his shot and nodded his head in agreement.
"People suck mate. Innit the truth?"
"Yeah. I don' know. I got th' i'pressh'n tha' they di' it on top th' c'puter or some shiiiit li' tha'. Fuck. I don' know... I jus' scream an' lef' a tha' point."
Spike took in a long guzzle of the chilly brew. Xander did the same. They both turned to look at each other at the same time.
"Look Pet. Don't let it get to you so hard."
Xander just flashed Spike a drunken glare that spoke volumes of slurred words and fuzzy-headed opinions. Spike grimaced.
"Yeah yeah, I know. I'm not one to bloody talk, am I? Dru. She screwed me over royally, she did. And I took it like a man, too. Screamin' and yellin' and killin' and drinkin' up an ocean worth of booze. But that's the whole point mate."
Xander was confused at that. He was also drunk enough to see three of everything, including the bleached blonde vampire on the stool next to him, so it probably wasn't his fault that Spike made no sense.
"It's the women! They're all... loopy in the head. Or some such rot. And that ex-demon of yours was worse than most. I mean, bloody hell Pet, that bint spent over a thousand years messin' with blokes lives. You think she'd stop just because she's mortal now? You're dumber than I thought. She's just narrowed her scope a bit. To you."
Xander narrowed his eyes in thought. It was difficult. The alcohol made everything seem fuzzy, which was of the good. He needed his anger and his heartbreak to be dulled. And it was. Unfortunately, so was his brain. Not only that, it was almost a reflex to defend Anya just as it was almost a reflex to scoff at Spike. But once he pushed that all aside, it did make a sort of weird Hellmouthy kind of sense.
"Well ssso wha' I do now O wizdomy v'mpire guy? S'women ev'r where! Can' mizz 'em. Th're li'... mult'plyin' or som'thin'..."
Spike gave him an odd look. It was one that Xander was sure he'd seen before, but he couldn't remember when or where. Or what it meant.
"Believe it or not, I understood all that. Frightening thought that it is. And yeah, there's birds all over the damn place. Can't avoid 'em, that's for bloody sure. Don't mean you gotta be with 'em, though. I mean, they're good for a shag, but the headgames? Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, don't I? Between Dru and Harm and that bloody Slayer... Well, you know."
Xander nodded sympathetically. He did understand. Too bad the female half of the population didn't. With a sigh, Xander waved Willie over once more and gestured for two more shots. Willie came over with the bottle and glanced closely at Xander's blurry eyes.
"Ya know, if you get so drunk that you end up getting eaten, I don't want the Slayer in here bitchin' at me about it. Um... maybe I should just cut you off Xan."
Xander glared at the man and reached for the wooden stake tucked down in his back pocket.
"Pour... or b'stak'd."
Willie looked shocked.
"Xan! You can't stake me! I'm not a vamp."
Willie paused a second and Spike cut into the conversation.
"Just pour the git his booze. I won't let him get eaten. 'Course, I won't stop him from stakin' you either, so... your choice mate."
Willie tried to glare at the blonde vampire, but his nervousness shone through and ruined the effect. Finally, he gave in with a sigh and poured the shots. Both Xander and Spike slammed them back immediately. When Willie wandered off again, Spike turned to face Xander.
"You know what we should do Pet? We should just forget all about those silly bints and just shag blokes. S'just as good a time. A bit different, yeah, but just as much fun. And you don't have all those... mushy squishy feelings to deal with. Nothin' but getting your rocks off."
Xander came to a dead halt in the middle of raising his beer bottle to his mouth. His brain, already slowed by the alcohol, suddenly found itself grinding its gears at the very idea of having sex with a guy. The very fact that it didn't creep him out, creeped him out. Still... the "no head-games" part of it was very attractive.
"Sor'a li'... Bob an' Dick out fo' som' fun, huh?"
Spike snorted in amusement.
"Yeah mate. Just like that. Bob and Dick."
Xander finally took that swallow of beer while he briefly considered the idea. Then he shook his head no. After grabbing hold of the table when that sudden quick motion made the room begin to tip, he turned back to Spike.
"Naw... won' work. Don' know an' guys. Ri's gone. 'Sides... he Buf's toy. Giles? No. Ick. Fath'a fig'a there. No can do. S'good ide' tho'."
Spike turned on a hurt and affronted look.
"What? I'm chopped liver now? You'd shag Captain-commando, but not me? I'm hurt Pet, ain't I?"
Xander jerked in shock. He was on the edge of laughing in Spike's face at the very thought of having sex with the vampire when his imagination supplied him with the mental vision of the blonde's head tucked neatly between his thighs, his thick cock sliding in and out of those soft cool lips. His cock twitched in excitement of the whole idea and he practically moaned out loud.
"You'd suck m' dick?"
"If I can roll you over onto your stomach and shag you stupid. Well, stupider... Sure, why not? Why? You wanna shag Pet?"
Xander was certain that somewhere in there was something he should have picked up on. He was certain that there was an insult and an idea that wasn't so good mixed up in Spike's smooth charming accent. Unfortunately, the alcohol worked together with the mental image of Spike giving him a blowjob and totally blew any other thoughts out of his mind. It was with a dulled distant sort of shock that he heard himself answer Spike's question.
Pain slammed into Xander's brain as the iron band around his skull suddenly tightened way way too small. As he moaned his way into consciousness he instantly realized that noise of any kind, even soft barely there moans of pain, only added to the suffering he was being privileged to experience. Trying not to even breathe too loud or too fast, Xander silently cataloged all of the myriad complaints his body was sending him.
First and foremost was the fact that the inside of his skull had grown needle sharp spikes that were poking into his tender brain tissues. And that iron band around his head only made the headache worse.
Second was the interior of his mouth. It was cotton dry and it tasted like the inside of his father's work boots.
Third was the twisting sour sensation in his stomach. It wasn't... pleasant. He had the funny feeling that the very idea of food would be nauseating for quite some time to come.
And lastly, but most oddly, was the dull ache in his ass. Xander was certain he had never felt anything quite like it. It wasn't really pain as it was a soreness. Kinda like when he pulled a muscle while patrolling or something. And what's more, he was... wet? down there. In his ass. And between his thighs. Odd. Silently, he wondered why...
"Hello Pet. How're you doing this fine afternoon? Wanna shag again?"
With those words spoken softly into his ear at such a close and intimate angle, Xander became instantly aware of the cool, smooth, strongly muscled chest he was currently using as a pillow. He also noted it's lack of heartbeat. With an almost desperate sense of hope that he had in fact lost his mind and he was just hallucinating a naked Spike under an equally naked him as well as an equally strong sense of resignation that, yes, he had in fact been fucked by the blonde vampire, Xander turned his head and opened his eyes. And as soon as his eyes connected with those gold flecked blue orbs, his memories of last night rushed back into his mind.
He was pressed flat against his apartment door by preternaturally strong hands even as his clothes were torn and ripped from his body. A cool wet mouth trailed licks and nips and suckling kisses down his chest. His cock throbbed in his jeans and he moaned in anticipation.
"Hurry Spike... Gods... hurry!"
He reached down and threaded his fingers through soft strands of bleached blonde hair and used all of his strength to hold the vampire's head in place. Then, mindless of any pain or discomfort he might be causing Spike, Xander *slam* slam slammed his hips forward, ruthlessly fucking the vampire's talented mouth.
With a shriek, he came down that tight cool throat. Greedy hungry suckling motions sent thrills up his spine and he thanked both God and the Devil that vampires were one giant walkin' talkin' suckin' machines.
The rough texture of his living room carpet sent burning raw sensations traveling along his knees and elbows as he was tossed to the floor. Then, a strong cool hand pressed down on the small of his back and he fell forward, adding to his rug burn collection with a new rash along his chest. His legs were spread apart fiercely and Spike's weight settled on top of him.
"You ready mate?"
"Yeah. F'ck me Spike. Do it now!"
And then burning stretching pain as he was split in half by the huge vampire cock as it rammed up inside of his guts. He screamed. Pain and pleasure swirled in his mind and body and then Spike pulled out only to slam back in again.
He begged for more.
On the bed in his bedroom, on his knees behind Spike. Pale moonlight shining through his window to wash across the deathly white skin of Spike's toned and muscled back. Xander held his hard and throbbing cock pressed just outside of the vampire's opening.
"Fuck... you're beautiful like this."
Then the amazing sensation as his shoved his prick deep inside that tight cool hole. The muscles throbbing around him, squeezing him tight.
Laying on his side, a long pale cock poking him in the chin, leaving a line of pearly pre-cum in its wake. Sticking out his tongue and dragging it along the hard cool length to the accompaniment of a gasp from between his own thighs. Then the feeling of his own hard dick being sucked down into a wet cool mouth and the sensation of a talented tongue swirling around the tip. He moaned and then pulled the pale shaft deeper into his own mouth.
Xander blinked and stared up at Spike, silently wondering if the return of his memories was visible in his eyes. And if so, was that why the blonde was smirking at him?
Then, something more important grabbed his attention. He had fucked a guy. And liked it. Lots. What's more, he had fucked Spike and liked it. Hell, he'd given Spike his virginity and liked it. He'd fucked Spike!
Suddenly, Xander's stomach made it's opinion known on the whole subject matter of drinking far too much alcohol and then having wild circus sex with bleached blonde vampires with chips in their heads. Clasping his hand tightly over his mouth, Xander jumped up and raced to his small bathroom. Once there, he dropped to his knees, lifted the seat, and heaved.
After emptying his stomach of every possible bit of content, Xander turned his throbbing head and watery eyes to gaze at the still naked demon standing in the bathroom doorway grinning down at him.
"So... I take it this means "no" on the "let's shag again" question."
Xander blinked at him briefly and then turned back to the toilet and dry heaved.